A bit of an upsetting incident

[Sherry]

I was face painting at the fair last night and had a family come up with a boy and a girl to get face painted.  The girl was probably around 6 or 7 and the boy around 4.  The girl was quieter and the boy had a strong personality.  You definitely knew what he wanted.  He wanted the tiger!     I think the daughter's father actually picked out her design and it was a pink butterfly.  The most popular choice. 

As they were trying to figure out what they were going to let him get, they came to a decision.  He would get nothing.  They were going to make him wait and he would play some game later.  He really didn't want this, he wanted to be a tiger and loudly protested.  Then the dad threatened him, not to start this or he would take him outside for punishment.  The boy started to cry.  So then the dad, got in his face and started mocking him and saying, "oh, is the little baby going to cry?"  So the boy stops crying and I proceed to paint the little girl.

When we're done, the dad's going on and on about how beautiful she is and makes a big show of taking her to the mirror to look at her and asking the people in his party, "Isn't she beautiful?"  All the while all I can look at is the little boy with tears in his eyes as they're leaving.  I so wanted to speak up and say, "hey, I'll paint him for free!"  But I didn't.  I'm usually more of an introvert, so it's hard for me to say what I really want to say at times.  I didn't know what to do or say, but it left me feeling really sad.

Anyone else ever have something like this happen?  Do you think I should have done or said anything?

[funnyface]

Hi Sherry,
I really cant let you continue to berate yourself for something that is well outside of your control when you assisted me with my question re christmas faces. 
The thing you need to understand is that while you can empathise with this little person, any interferance on your part may have just antagonised this guy!  It is going to do you no good to torment yourself with "what if's" at this point either!
Clearly, you have a good heart and understandably your effected by the incident but after all is said and done your silence may have been the appropriate response.

[Sherry]

Yep, I think you're right.  At the time, it seemed pretty sad.

Thanks.   

[colormyworld]

OMG Sherry, I'm sorry that happened.  You are definitely a good person, as funnyface said.  I know I would feel very upset by that too.  I probably would have actually spoken up and said I'd do it for free just because, well I' a pushover when it comes to money stuff, but mostly because I hate to see people upset.  I have a tendency to feel responsible for other people actions and feelings whether or not they have anything to do with me (like in school, if I heard someone teasing someone else, I would feel badly as if I have done it myself).  I've learned though, that we have no way of controlling other people.  We don't know what their issues are, what goes on in their life, and why they do what they do.  The father sounds like a ully, and who knows...if you'd have offered to do it for free, he may have taken it further out of embarrassment or something, and either resented you for interfering or taking it out on his son.  I don't know what the "right" answer is, but I try and keep the serenity prayer with me at all times: "God grant me the serenity to ACCEPT that which I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."  It sound corny but it helps.  I hope you are feeling better, and realize you are not at fault, and you handled yourself well (I mean, I prob would've wanted to smack the guy!).  Take care!

[Alison]

Yes - The father was outrageous to belittle the boy.  But we're not seeing the whole situation.  Is it not possible that the boy was becoming a cry-baby - perhaps even learning that all he has to do is cry, and he'd get what he wants?  And then using that tactic constantly?  Is it not possible that the scene at the game (later) would have been a wonderful experience 'all for the boy'?  Or perhaps, if he had gotten the face-painting, the ugly scene would have ensued later in the day when he wanted the 'game' in addition to  everything else?  

Children do need disciplining.  Not belittling - yes, this father was apparently very bad at instituting the discipline, but they do need discipline and direction.  Getting (or not getting) a Face-Painting is not the end of the world.  A child who cries so whole-heartedly about this might benefit from the perspective of choosing from the many wonderful things that life offers.

I, for one, am not ruled by a child.  I do what I think is beneficial.
I do not let anyone manipulate me into a free painting - this is how I earn my living.
But, lol, I might consider it if I thought it would make that family so love Face-Painting that they'd be buying from me regularly.  I'm there to earn a living as a Face-Painter.  Even if I Was a Social-Worker, I wouldn't know all the answers until I knew the whole story and then experimented with these people.

[Sherry]

Yeah, you're right, I'll never know the whole situation.  I could only see it from my perspective, which could of totally been off.

 I think the upsetting part for me was when he belittled the boy and then made a big show of praising the daughter over the face painting that the boy so wanted.  But they did mention the "game" later, which could of been just for the boy and maybe the girl couldn't do.  Who knows.

[Alison]

So.........you feeling better now?

[Sherry]

Yes, it was just upsetting that night.  Thanks.